By now you have heard me talk quite a bit about being okay with rejection. That’s because I have to be, when you are blogging or trying to start a freelance business you really don’t have much of a choice.
While I have learned to somewhat gracefully handle rejection now, this was not always the case.
My Old Fear of Failure
When I first started blogging over two and half a years ago I couldn’t handle rejection – at all. The first guest post I ever submitted was rejected and it made me feel like a failure. After my week long pity party I picked myself up and brushed myself off.
I went on to submit more guest posts to big blogs and received even more rejections, which made me feel like a repeated failure. In fact, I quit blogging a couple of different times because I just couldn’t handle any type of criticism.
Luckily my feelings of failure and, more importantly, my fear of failure no longer hold me back. In fact, I now expect to be rejected at least a couple times a week and when it happens it’s no more than a shrug of the shoulders.
Overcoming the Fear of Failure = Amazing Things
The fear of failure is the number one detriment to people trying to do something new and remarkable. It’s scary to embark upon a new adventure and step into the land of the unknown. It’s even scarier to think about failing at something really important to you.
If you have a dream, a crazy idea, or a gut feeling, go after it.If the fear of failure is holding you back I have a challenge for you.
Whatever business or idea you are trying to pursue, pitch your idea to at least ten people. Find ten people/businesses that could be interested in what you have to offer and send them an email introducing yourself and your proposition.
I can almost guarantee you that over half the people you email will not respond to you. Two might email you back and tell you no thanks and if you are lucky you might get 1-2 yeses.
Go ahead and do it. Trust me the more you put yourself in positions like this the quicker your fear of failure will go away.
The first time it’s a bit gut wrenching. The second time it stings a little. The third time the shock and disappointment starts to fade and eventually you learn that rejection and failure only makes you stronger.
My Week of Rejection
This week was a bit rougher than most for me.
Rejection # 1
Last week I told you how I had two writing gigs in the works. Well, after some back and forth emails for a big website that I really wanted to write for I got a no. It turns out my ideas weren’t exactly what they were looking for.
I was disappointed that I didn’t get the job. I emailed the site owner back thanking him for his time and then went on the hunt for more potential clients.
Rejection # 2
Somebody purchased my ebook and then had their money refunded.
Rejection # 3
Apparently last week’s post on Finding More Time to Do What You Love must have offended several people. I had 20+ people unsubscribe from the blog shortly after that post was published.
Normally I don’t pay much attention if someone unsubscribes from RSS. I often unsubscribe from email updates if I feel like I have too much going on in my inbox. But to have 20+ people unsubscribe at one time means that I probably did something wrong.
So, if I did offend you I am sincerely sorry. Everybody enjoys different things and I am far from perfect. I was just trying to make the point that you can make time to do what you want or love to do by cutting back on activities that take up too much of your time. Maybe deleting your Facebook account or cancelling your cable TV isn’t the right choice for you. That’s fine, we’re all different.
Conclusion
Over the past week I didn’t get a job I really wanted, someone didn’t like my eBook, and I unintentionally offended people I respect. I wish things would have went differently – but they didn’t and I can’t dwell on that.
If you are embarking upon something new and exciting in your life you can’t dwell on failure either. Let rejections make you stronger and wiser. Don’t let the fear of failure hold you back. You were born to be amazing!
You only have on life, make it count!
Sean @ One Smart Dollar says
I have learned to have tough skin. For every person who doesn’t like what you do or say there are ten people who find you helpful to their lives. Don’t get down on yourself. Your rejections are very minor. 🙂
Alexa says
I am learning too have tough skin as well. I can look at this list and see it’s minor now but a year ago it probably would have made me give up.
Holly@ClubThrifty says
Been there! And trust me, it gets worse. When you do start getting published on bigger sites, people will come out of the woodwork to say all kinds of crazy and untrue things. Don’t take it personally. You’re the one putting yourself out there and doing things!!!
Alexa says
Yes it sounds like you got the haters on you this past week! You do awesome though. I am always amazed at how many negative comments are on the bigger sites. Definitely more negativity than positivity..
Laurie @thefrugalfarmer says
Alexa, Sean is right, and you are right on track here. And as far offending people on your blog, it just happens sometimes, no matter how hard we try to write non-offensively. Personally, I thought that was a great post. Maybe it was convicting for some people and they couldn’t handle it? Alexa, by facing your rejection fears (and I’m in the exact same place right now) you are on the path to achieve your dreams. No truly successful person makes it without first having to face rejection. You’re doing awesome, girl!
Alexa says
Thank you, Laurie!
Michelle says
Ah I’m sorry about the rejections. That’s never any fun!
Alexa says
Thanks, Michelle!
Dawn says
I read your article and didn’t find anything offensive at all. I would love to get rid of cable, I never watch TV. But my husband is addicted and it frustrates me that he can’t understand there are better ways to spend all his extra time. Maybe the person asking for a refund was just the type of person who always does stuff like that and it wasn’t limited to just you or they’re scammers. Who knows, but try not to take it personally. I love your blog. Keep up the great work!
Alexa says
I was thinking that about the refund. But either way is okay I guess. The more criticism I am exposed to the better I learn to deal with it. Thank You, dawn!
Andrew@LivingRichCheaply says
Yea I agree with Dawn…I don’t see how anyone could have been offended by that article. As with rejection…I like your perserverance, I’m sure it will pay off!
Alexa says
Thanks, Andrew!
Jan says
I’m really impressed though that you had the courage to go and publish your own book! I’m trying to do the same, and would LOVE to get your take on going the ebook route. How has it been? What did you do to market the book and would you still do this over trying to go the traditional publishing route? Sorry for the rough week, and I’ve definitely experienced the same before, but soon you’ll meet success again!
Alexa says
It was very easy to create and upload the ebook. I think it is a lot easier to go the ebook route instead of trying to chase down a publisher and my eBook isn’t very long so I don’t think it would have went well over the traditional route. I have done a lot of research on marketing a Kindle book and from what I read the number one thing has been to get reviews.
I have 10 as of right now but I gave a free copy to 30 people who said they would review it. As far as marketing I am working on a bunch of guest posts but they are kind of sporadically spaced out. If I published another I would come up with a much better marketing plan.
Done by Forty says
I love this post. I’m pretty thin skinned, if I’m being honest with myself. I’ve thought about trying to get a side hustle going through writing on other sites, but haven’t taken the first step. But fear of failure is not a good reason to stay on the sidelines indefinitely…
Alexa says
It’s definitely not! Getting rejected stings at first but it gets much easier. I am an easy going, passive type of person. A year ago I would have not been able to handle criticism but I have now subjected myself to it over and over again and it no longer hurts. I really don’t pay too much attention to it to be honest. If I can overcome my fear or rejection/failure you can too!!
christie says
great post. I feel like I’m living in Failure Land this week. I can relate. ; )
Alexa says
Thanks, Christie!
Jaclyn says
Great post, Alexa. I think one of my biggest fears in life is failure so rejection naturally ties into that. Couple that fear with an extremely soft, sincere, and sensitive personality and…yah, let’s just say I need thicker skin! I hope next week is better for you!
Alexa says
Yeah thats how I was as well. I have always been super easy going, non confrontational, and maybe a little too sensitive. I have developed a tougher skin now though and I feel good about that.
Ree Klein says
Wow, what an authentic, honest and important post. I started my blog in March of this year, 2013. I was fortunate to have a pretty large network in my personal email contact list and through LinkedIn. I used that when I launched but only got about 28 subscribers. Since then I’ve grown my list to 111…it would have been 118 but seven people have unsubscribed.
When I watch Google Analytics and see that people have found the site but bounced off (a lot of watching makes you good at seeing what is happening…), I say “thank you for stopping by anyway.” I do that because I know that I’m not for everyone and it’s a numbers game…you have to have so many “shoppers” to get to the person who is truly interested in what you have to offer. Each “no” is a step toward the person who will feel a connection with the content.
Those are the people I’m looking for and it’s worth the no’s to find them. I suppose being older and having read so much about the path that others have taken makes it not seem so personal when you get a no.
It’s a big wide world out there…and so many are looking for exactly what you have to say…I’m still here and admire you a lot!
Cheers,
Ree
Alexa says
You are right, Ree. I usually try not to pay real close attention to my stats because I don’t like to see the high bounce rates lol. But, I find when I guest post on relevant sites that my bounce rates and engagement drastically improve say versuses Google traffic.
You’re right though none of us for everyone. And, I am happy where I’m at. Thanks so much, Ree!
Cat Alford (@BudgetBlonde) says
I completely understand rejection. It’s a serious part about being a writer. I also got a rejection this week and also one person who just didn’t write back at all after seeing my rates (I’m struggling to raise them.) If it makes you feel any better, I’m going through and unsubscribing to blogs via e-mail and putting them all on blog lovin so maybe others are doing the same! 😀
Alexa says
It definitely sucks to not hear back from a potential client. I lowered my rates beyond what I had initially planned. I though after I landed my first few clients I would slightly raise them for the next few and keep on doing that until I am at the rates I want.
Michelle says
Personally, I don’t think you should apologize for offending those readers. That post was not sharp in tone, offensive , or rude. It was honest. It’s my opinion that those readers read a truth that they didn’t want to “hear.” You probably aren’t the first person to give that advice to those readers. Sometimes the truth hurts. They just didn’t like it.
Alexa says
You’re completely right. Now that I think about it I shouldn’t have apologized. The post wasn’t rude in anyway. I just have to accept the fact that not everyone likes what I have to say.
Kim@Eyesonthedollar says
I didn’t think that post was offensive at all but maybe it hit home with people who didn’t want to hear things they know they need to do. It’s easier to tune it out or make a snide comment. I think I have pretty thick skin but whenever I get a bad review of my optometry practice from someone online, it really, really sucks. You are right that we need to move on and use it as a positive learning experience.
Alexa says
Thanks, Kim. It does suck to get bad reviews but each encounter with negativity does make has have thicker skin. It just sucks to get bad reviews from bitter people who just want everyone else to be miserable because they are.
Britnee says
I read the post and I did not find it offensive. I was having time management problem myself and thought your post was very helpful. I agree with the comments above. Some people just don’t want the truth.
I enjoy your blog and will encourage you to keep doing what you are doing.
Thank you.
Brit
Alexa says
Thanks, Britnee!!
Alexandra @ Real Simple Finances says
I thought your post was excellent; if someone was offended by that, then it was only a matter of time before something else offended them. Be glad it happened now. 🙂 I used to handle criticism very badly, but it’s something I have been consciously working on for years now! It takes practice, and I still hate to be rejected, but I found that getting right back up after being kicked down is the best way to handle it.
Example: I’m working to become a contributor on a blog, and my first post was rejected. I immediately took the corrections offered, changed my outlook, and wrote something that was accepted! It’s only when we don’t learn from our rejection that we fail.
Greg @ Thriftgenuity.com says
Wow, that is a lot of stuff in one week. You’re right, though, you have to face the fear of rejection, or you’ll just be paralyzed and do nothing.
anthony a. @ financial freedom ideas says
Keep reaching for your dreams! Do not let anybody interfere you. It’s only an opinion and it does not hurt at all. We cannot please everybody. Just the do the right thing. Let us learn from our setbacks and get back stronger.
New 2013 Cheap NFL Jerseys China Nike Authentic Wholesale Free Shipping says
Wholesale nfl , best supplier for shop for nfl from china shop with free shipping and competitive price.