This is the third installment in the dating series. If you missed the first two you can view them here When is it Time to Date Again? and Reader Story: Finding Love After Divorce. Also, if you have a story about divorce or dating that you would like to submit, please email me.
Continuing the dating series I thought it would be fun to throw out my advice on dating a single mom and what I would now look for in a man. While all of us have slightly different expectations to meet, I think there are certain aspects that we as single moms would be looking for in a relationship.
Advice on Dating A Single Mom
Single mothers are strong and independent. We have had no option but to be this way. We have had our fair share of life experiences and in the end these experiences have only made us stronger. So, any man looking to date a single mother needs to be able to handle an independent woman.
Independence is only one trait of a single mother. For all the men out there interested in dating a single mom these are things I think you should know:
1.) Our Kids are the Most Important Thing to Us and Always Will Be. This means we want a man who is good with kids. You don’t have to be amazing with kids (although that wouldn’t hurt) but you have to like and be able to tolerate them. If you don’t have kids yourself then you probably aren’t used to a two year olds hour long tantrums or a teens rebellious attitude.
Kids are great but they can be difficult. You have to realize this. Also, most single moms are not looking for you to step in and be a father figure, especially in the beginning. Our kids already have fathers and you need to know that’s not your role. However, if things got serious we would want you to develop a relationship with the kids and would hope that you would grow to love them.
2.)You Need to be Stable. You need to have a stable job and living arrangements. Single moms have enough to worry about, the last thing we are looking for is a flaky man. We want companionship from someone who has their act together.
Stability is also a huge factor when it comes to kids and remember, our kids are the most important things to us. Having a steady job and a long term plan for your life is a serious plus.
3.) Be Okay with Working Around a Tight Schedule. Single moms do it all. We work, take care of the kids, take them to extra curricular activities, and maintain the house. Not to mention, it’s not always easy to get a babysitter. This means date nights and romantic time could be few and far between.
If your schedule is flexible dates can happen more often. Also, if the woman you are dating just can’t get a babysitter, be open to family activites like board game night or baseball games.
4.)Be on the Same Page. If the woman you are interested in just recently ended a long term relationship now is probably not a good time to date her. You need to give her apropriate time to heal, in my opinion a minimum of six months after the split. Otherwise you might just end up as a rebound guy and lose all hope of ever landing a serious relationship.
If your intentions are being in a serious relationship but hers are just casual dating you might just want to call it quits now.
In the end everyone’s personal preferences on dating and relationships are different. If you can check off the above four guidelines then you might have some luck dating a single mom. Just remember to take it slow, especially if you are the first person she dates after ending a long term relationship.
What advice would you give a man who is interested in dating a single mom?
Very good ideas! I should print this off and give it to the guy I am seeing!
These are all really strong points. The only thing I would add: Be a gentlemen. I’ve heard creeps talk about how single mom’s are easy prey and other disgusting comments. That’s not right. If you’re looking for a good time, find someone else. A single mom can be very strong, but she is also very vulnerable. Treat her right.
Why not just date a single father?
“Why not just date a single father?”
— Because they don’t want to take care of someone else’s kids and deal with all that stuff…..:)
Yet she wants you to take care of hers!
I would not be opposed to dating a single father, although I would not date someone JUST because he was a single father. And FYI my kids have a great dad. I would never ask or want another man to take care of my kids.
So why not only date when the kids are with the father, and never talk about the children after the first date when you disclose their existence? You can do more once they turn 18 and/or finish high school. Dating a single parent can be the exact same as dating someone without children, except for the time and scheduling issues.
Do the kids look just like you, like it only took one person to make them? Or do they look just like the father? The latter can be seen as much more problematic by some.
You may have to consider guys you wouldn’t touch before you had kids. The single guys that will date you don’t look like what you had before. On the other side, an advantage to dating a single mother is that you can get a hotter girl than you could otherwise get.
But I agree, single fathers with kids around the age of yours helps tremendously.
Good insights. Its better to let single mom to heal first if they just gotten out of a relationship before you date her. Her experiences will make her stronger though which will be good for both of you at the end.
Mr.T
Website Owner
http://www.datingadviceforyou.net
Tremendous issues here. I’m very happy to see your post.
Thanks a lot and I am having a look ahead to contact you.
Will you please drop me a e-mail?
Something single moms should take to heart is that when they marry this wonderful man who has stepped up to claim her and the children, it is the spouse who comes before the children. The husband takes care of the wife first, and the wife the husband. This is the #1 thing they each can do to ensure the success of their marriage. In no way does this mean to neglect the children, but if the man never sees his wife, only gets what’s left after she’s ran herself ragged for the kids, and sees her put all her energy into making them happy but not giving time and affection to him, why would he marry into that?
Children are to be loved and cared for, but we do them a disservice when we teach them they are the center of the world. What they need are boundaries and a sense of security which two parents in love can give them.
I completely agree with you. I think I was still a little emotionally unstable when I wrote this post a year ago.
After you get divorced (or at least for me) it’s really hard to imagine yourself being with someone else and opening yourself up to the chances of getting hurt again. And it’s even harder to imagine finding a guy who will love you and you children the way you want him to – but it does happen.
But I agree a family unit is more stable when the husband and wife put each other first.
Im dating a single mother and I really enjoy her and her youngest child(toddler). We both are waiting for the right time introduce her oldest. I am very serious about her and want to be a part of their family. I am honestly looking for a good book of ideas on how to accomplish this. I know every situation is different but, I do care for this woman and her family and want to make it our family. So, any recommendations are appreciated.
If u ever want to talk some time feel free
Jason, are you referencing my post about needing advice? -Arlo