Mastering your money and using it as a tool to maximize your happiness is completely possible. In fact, there’s one technique that I’ve been trying to ingrain in my life for the past five years.
It all started the first day I took Kailyn to the babysitter. The thought of leaving her at all, let alone with a woman I barely knew, was enough to kill me. I walked up to the babysitter’s house knocked on the door and handed over Kailyn, still in her car seat, plus the diaper bag stuffed full of tons of extra diapers, wipes, and bottles.
I hopped back in my car and quickly backed out. I couldn’t fight the well of tears that were pooling in my eyes. I cried the whole entire day at work. My boss told me to go home, but I didn’t. I knew this was something I had to get used to.
I worried. And worried, and worried. This went on for weeks until I talked to my Dad about what was going on.
While he did sympathize with the fact that I really just wanted to stay at home with my baby, he also offered me a piece of important information.
[Tweet “Worrying is like a rocking chair – it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.”]
Now you might be thinking that I did have control of this situation. I could’ve just been a stay at home mom and avoided all the worry. But believe me, I tried.
My then husband didn’t seem to think that me not working was a good idea. He wouldn’t budge on his decision and I felt stuck.
Everything seemed to be out of my control and it made me miserable. I needed a solution.
Focus on What You Can Control
In my situation one thing seemed to be out of my control: I had to go to work and Kailyn couldn’t go with me.
What was in my control though, was choosing the babysitter that I left Kailyn with and making the most out of my non-working hours.
Luckily, I got the babysitter choice perfect the first time around. My girls have stayed with the same woman their entire lives. She and her family are like our family and I completely trust her. Which brings me peace of mind.
By focusing on the things I could control I (very slowly) started to eliminate the worrying and guilt.
The same choices apply to all parts of life. Some things are just out of your control and trying to change them is a waste of your time and energy. You have to focus on what you can control.
Apply it to Your Money
If you’re just starting to turn your financial life around the changes you need to make can seem overwhelming.
If you’re buried in debt you worry about the mess you’ve created. If you’re underemployed you worry about how you’ll pay the bills. If you’re living paycheck to paycheck you worry that you’ll never pull your head above water.
So what do you do?
You look at the things you can control like your spending, and to a certain degree how much money you make and you take action.
You can’t go back in time and erase all of your debt. You can’t go back in time and get your degree. What you can do is cut your budget back and start paying down your debt or go back to college and get your degree now.
Apply it to Your Life
There are plenty of things that are in your control. By taking charge of those of those things and not dwelling on what’s outside of your influence you can improve whatever situation you’re in and will be one step closer to creating a life that you love.
Try applying this to your life this week. Take a look at what’s in your control in whatever situation has you worried or stress. Start taking action on what you can and stop worrying about what you can’t control.
P.S. I’m doing this with Ava’s temper tantrums right now. She’s going through a stage and while I can’t control her throwing fits about everything, I can control the way I react. It’s made a tremendous difference in my stress levels and her attitude in just one week!
Well said! And I really like that quote from your Dad. Focusing on the things that you can control is really your best chance to change the equation in your life and make a difference.
Yes, I love that quote too! I have natural tendency to worry so I always think back to that quote when I’m worrying more than I should be.
Loved this. I found this so encouraging, since I feel you – all I want to do is stay home. I don’t want to drop my babies off with anyone else. I doesn’t feel right, even if I am not an emotional wreck over it (most days). But you are right – just focus on what is in my control. I have them at a great daycare. They are safe and well cared for any close by. I have done the best I can do. Plus, I continue to try to work out a way to spend more time with them. I’m really trying it all.
Great point about the tantrums, too. I have found the same thing- controlling yourself helps much more than attempting to control the child.
I think you can definitely turn the stay at home dream into a reality if you do focus on what you can control. I know you’re trying to make more freelance money so just stick with it and you’ll get there.
And yes, isn’t it amazing how quickly kids get over their tantrums if you’re not yelling at them. When I take the time to talk to my youngest instead of yelling at her the whole day goes so much smoother.
I would add to work on one thing at a time and stay focused on it as much as possible. If you are newly divorced or seperated then this may not be feasible. You may have to move, get a lawyer, a job etc all at once. Then you are in survival mode. Stop worrying. Focus on what you can control. Make the most of what you have. Pick something and stay with it … like how you react to tantrums. : ) … It is so easy to fall in to overwhelm where you can’t seem to get started and focused on anything.. Plus, it is okay to figure out that you need to start over. Stop worrying. Focus on what you can control …… etc
Fabulous wisdom shared today!
I agree Christie. Focusing on one thing at a time is definitely the way to go. You’ll feel like you get so much more accomplished instead of running around like a chicken with your head cut off. I’ve been there and it’s no fun!
Great advice! I used to fret and dwell on past mistakes/decisions/conversations and I’m finally getting myself to a place where I accept the past and simply look forward to the future. I know that I can’t change the past, but I can control what happens in the future. Seems so simple, yet it’s something I’ve struggled with. Thank you for this reminder and encouragement!
I think it is a struggle for most people. I still struggle with it sometimes. It’s just nice to have that quote in my head and be able to move on when I get to that point.
I tend to worry and actually I’ve been worrying about something recently that will work itself out. This post came to me right on time!
Hey Alexa and wonderful post!
“…and not dwelling on what’s outside of your influence…” – that is exactly how I live my life and it was a lesson I learned at a very young age.
I like that you have applied your control mastery towards Ava’s temper tantrums. It’s obviously not easy, but the more “practice” you get, the easier it becomes 🙂
Thanks again and take care. I hope all is well.
Lyle
Great post… Thanks for sharing and being open! 🙂 Being a full time mom is not an obligation! It’s a passion and not everyone has a heart of doing it.