I started writing a post “10 Things I’ve Learned this Year” and I knew that this lesson was the first on my list. And as I sat to type it all out, no other lesson I’ve learned can even compare to this one………..
In February of this year my Grandma passed away. This was the first time I’ve ever had someone close to me die.
My grandma played such a HUGE part in my life. She was the most understanding, least judgmental person that I’ve ever known. You could literally come to her with any problem – addiction, divorce, depression – there was seriously nothing that she would judge.
She was also the chief entrepreneur in our family. She decided that she didn’t like working for other people at a very young age and instead started her own businesses. Her sporting goods store is still one of the most popular stores in my town. She also had a toy store, several greenhouses, an antique shop, and a slew of rental properties.
She was an extremely intelligent woman but you’d never know that she had money. She NEVER acted superior to anyone and would give the shirt off her back to help someone else. She was always there to help everyone. Not just family but her employees, friends, and random people in need. She didn’t expect anything in return.
I want so badly to be like her. To kind of fulfill her legacy. To be that person that others can come to without judging. To be willing to give the shirt off my back to someone who needs it more than I do. To be successful without being self-centered. To be smart and strategic.
And when she passed I realized that I needed to let go of grudges that I have with some of my family. This has been a true test and very hard for me at times. But she would never give up on family no matter how out of control some situations would seem to be. And when my Dad and I sit and talk about family issues he always says “Mom told me to never give up on family” and that brings tears to my eyes.
Me, Baby Kailyn, Dad, Grandma, My Great Grandma, My Nephew, and My Brother
Life is about helping other people. About doing what you love and living on your own terms without giving a shit what other people think of you. If your family and friends love and cherish you does it really matter what anyone else thinks?
You’ve got to be able to look beyond your own problems because the truth is that there are so many people that have it worse than you do. You’ve got to be able to be the one who is strong enough to help that person who is hurting on the inside so bad and not give up on them.
This will be the first Christmas Eve in my life that won’t be spent at my Grandma’s house. And over the past couple of days it’s all I can think about.
I love you and miss you, Grandma. You’ll never be forgotten.
Your Grandmother is a very wise woman and I also no longer care what people think about me. I live my life on my own terms and do what makes me happy. Great post.
i like your Grandma. She seems like an awfully neat person to know and a great example to you and your family!!
I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother — she sounds wonderful and I know you’ll miss her a lot.
Sorry to hear about your grandma. My grandma is somewhat of the patriarch in our family as well. I couldn’t imagine a Christmas without her.
ouch. I rember the first Christmas after my Mom died as being terrible. I didn’t want to fall apart in front of the kids or ruin anyones Christmas but I really just wanted to go to bed and cry.
It helped me to acknowledge that it would be a tough time. We bought some funny prank gifts to exchange and the laughter was good. I couldn’t face dinner with out my Mom on Christms Eve so I took the kids out to a really fun Mexican restaurant where we know everybody. My Mom died about a year after my divorce. There were times that I really could have used another parent there so that I could step outside and try and get my composure.
Don’t try to hide all your feelings from your kids. They are too smart for that and they will know. I’m sure you have talked to them about it. I tell my youngest that Mommy is having a lot of feelings right now and that everything is okay. It is okay to have lots of feelings.
Our culture jokes a lot about the phrase , ” life is hard”. But, it really is sometimes.
Hang in there. All you have to do is breathe and watch for the cute moments that your daughters will surely provide.
All the Best
~ Christie
Your Grandma sounds like a phenomenal woman. What an example! Sorry for your loss. I hope you can do things this Christmas to help you remember the goodness of your Grandma.
Alexa…this post rips my heart out. I read it while sitting at the kitchen counter at my Mom’s place. That’s where I spend 100% of my time these days because she’s dying of lung cancer and needs me. I couldn’t imaging being anywhere else. She has at most a few weeks left so this will be our last Christmas together.
It’s funny how the thought of buying each other gifts becomes silly when there is so little time left. We’ve grown very close this year and I am dreading the days that come after she passes. I know it will be better for her, but I’ll miss her terribly.
My heart goes out to you. Let’s make a pact…let’s choose one or two special qualities from these important people and resolve to make that a quality in our own lives. My Mom is a giver, too, despite never having had much herself. And she is a true friend to the end and nurtured those relationships. I’m going to do more of that in honor of her.
May your holidays have deep meaning and warm feelings…
Ree
Alexa, Happy Holidays to you and your daughters. Sorry for the loss of your Grandmother. I truly believe her guidance and great love for others will be remembered throughout your life and the many others she has touched. You speaking about her in this blog has already touched myself and many others. Happy Holidays and great success to you and your daughters. Having lost a parent of few years ago, I am familiar with loss, however over time I sometimes feel reconnected and reminded of the sweetest man I ever knew. Hug your heart because your grandmother lives there. Everyone who read this feels her great presence. Thank for letting us feel her gifts too.
I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I think it’s amazing that you had such an inspirational woman in your life, and that you could appreciate how great she was while she was still with you. My grandparents all died when I was very young, however I know that they also passed on their values to the rest of the family, and so I still feel like I know them now.
I hope you have a great Christmas.
My grandmother is much the same way. She had a different career path, but her love and lack of judgement are honestly just astonishing to me. I want to be that. I’m glad she was such a role model in your life. And I know how hard it can be to overcome those familial challenges. I may join you in this this year.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope it’s gotten easier as the days have passed, though I know it never really does. We miss them no matter what.